Empty and unsatisfied? . . . (That’s because you were created to be filled by HIM.)

Why do I get continually deceived into believing that the things of this world can fill me up and satisfy me? It always leads to disappointment and sadness and even despair. But, then my tender loving God gives me a nudge and reminds me that I feel “empty” because I was created to be filled by HIM; that only He can meet my deep longing for love and acceptance, meaning and purpose.

I’m a highly sensitive and overly emotional person. Maybe for that reason, the Lord God relates to me mainly through emotions. He has a unique relationship with each of His children, but with me and Him, there is a lot of crying. Sometimes I think that I have the spiritual gift of “crying His tears,” but I don’t remember seeing that one listed in Romans or Corinthians.

He also shares a lot of the “feel good” emotions with me too, so today I am copying a section from my diary about His joyous love!

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(Diary entry from September 14, 2016)

“You love me. My beloved is mine. You called me – You drew me to Yourself. You waited – You saved me. I received Your life. You made Yourself known. I became a new creation! I was amazed by the truth – by YOU. It was real – to be born again. It’s real!

I walked in the Spirit. I drifted. I became tempted by the Law. The devil engaged me in battle. He used the lie – if you only know what is good, and do that; and if you only know what is evil, and you avoid that, then you can be like God.

And I believed his lie! I gave it my all. I was zealous for Legalism.

I even moved away and went to Bible College. It got worse. I could then be devoted to legalism 7 days a week / 24 hours a day.

…I was proud. I was confident that I was sanctifying myself – what a FOOL.

But I had always wanted to get married… (And so I did.)

The early years of our marriage were hard. I didn’t feel cherished. I didn’t really feel loved. We just weren’t soul mates. We weren’t “made for each other.” …

I expected my husband to be a believer. He didn’t act like one. We didn’t share the same faith. Recently, he admitted that he may have faked it. May have lied. He really just wanted to get married.

I struggled a lot those 1st seven years. They were hard. So much I did not understand. My husband had given up trying to live a life that he could not live. Christianity became one big, huge burden. He threw it off completely when our 3rd-born was a baby. From 2002 – 2004 I went to church by myself. Downcast. Sad. Angry. Resentful. Frustrated. Questioning . . .

I was supposed to be a Christian. But I sure wasn’t acting like it. The emptiness and futility of my “Christian effort” was proving to be a waste. Why was I so hateful? Where was the love and kindness and forgiveness? It was like when someone realizes they are living in the Matrix. I was waking up. I was beginning to see the bars of my cage. My eyes were opening. I still could not see clearly.

I had doubts. I had questions. NO! It’s not possible that I am a prisoner of war. But, I was! It would take a few more years for me to see that fact clearly.

First, I had to quit church. In 2005, I stopped going to church.

Those two years were remarkable and eye-opening. Then in 2007, I found Bob George. Read his book, Classic Christianity.

Next, I found Aaron Budjen. Aaron. That mighty warrior for the Lord. Then I found out about his Bible Studies. But it was mainly through listening to his CD’s and radio programs – and by listening to his Radio Archive through his website that I began to GROW!

I began to grow up in every way. As soon as I grasped the fact that I was a forgiven person . . . the chains fell off. The prison cage fell away. The strongholds fell down. MY THINKING BECAME OBEDIENT TO CHRIST! 🙂

“Take every thought captive…”

The only way that is possible is to believe in the gospel. Believe in the simplicity of what He has done.

Oh! Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

He first loved me! So I love Him! I love my brothers and sisters too! We are a family. 🙂

I love the way You are leading me, Lord. You are preparing the works for me to walk in. You lead me. You use me. You teach me.

(It’s too good to be true!)

But it IS true! It is real. The God of the Universe is my Lord and my friend!

Thank you Mighty Father!

Lisa

MENTAL ILLNESS, ADDICTION, AND MY CHRISTIAN LIFE

Before I became a Christian at age 22, I had it easy. I had never truly experienced pain and suffering. After a fun and fulfilling childhood and then a parent-funded Bachelor degree, I was ready to embark on the journey called Adult Life.

Life wasn’t perfect, but BOY, had I been sheltered! I just had no way to fathom what the next three decades would bring my way. A life where sadness, neglect, emotional abuse, mental illness, drug addiction and suicide attempts would enter my life’s path. Basically . . .

“Your Worst Life Now” could become my anti-Joel-Osteen bestselling book.

Do I regret anything that has transpired? Do I wish I had taken a different path? Do I raise my fists in anger to God?

No Way!

Dang, I’m GLAD for the emotional muscles that God has built in me. I am thankful for the tribulations . . . really, in all honesty.

It’s not fun to go through difficult times — mental illness, addiction, suicide attempts that require weeks of hospitalization; all of these things have hit my immediate family — and I have endured major heartache, but, because Jesus has been with me and because He has used difficult times to draw me closer to His heart, for that reason, all the pain and suffering has been worthwhile.

Jesus has been there with me through it all. I had nowhere else to turn, so He literally became my ROCK.

Interviewing for a teaching position at a large homeschool co-op in 2014, I was extremely nervous that I did not possess the desired credentials. But this was a Christian ministry with their head on straight; the first question the panel asked me was, “What does Jesus mean to you?”

Are you serious!?

I immediately started bawling my head off!

Now THAT was a credential I possessed in excess. I began to tell the ladies how Jesus meant EVERYTHING to me; how He had held my hand through many difficult trials, and how I had learned to depend on and rely on Him alone.

Teaching at that co-op for the next five years, was fruitful and successful . . . in a spiritual way. To this day, I still get together with some of my ex-students, high school age, for coffee, chatting and a Bible Study (heavy on the chatting!)

My heart rejoices in the Lord! I am writing this post to testify that He gives us JOY in the midst of pain. It’s a heart-filling, overwhelming sense of peace, safety, security, love and acceptance. NOTHING is better than that.

Yes, my life is still difficult. We had another huge, terrible family emergency just four days ago; an event that could have been devastating . . . but that God had His hand in nonetheless: He works all things together for good.

Christian brother or sister, hang in there! Cry if you need to! Pray and yell and fret all you want to our Father God, He can handle it. Pour out your heart to Him at all times. Cast your cares upon Him.

For He cares for you. ❤️

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December 17, 2020

YouTube video of my personal testimony

Hey guys!  I am posting a YouTube video here that I made detailing my journey from death to life, and then from legalism to grace.  I hope that it brings glory to God and that people can see how amazing He is — He can save anyone!  Finally, the title credit goes to John Bunyan for his fantastic book “Pilgrim’s Progress” which I think is pretty great.

Blog posted on March 29, 2020